Extending Wake up

How did you get your child not to get out of their bed too early in the morning?

My kids are early risers - but its my own fault because they go to bed at sevenish - so 11 or 12 hours is a pretty good night. The general rule - if the sun is up, you can get up, if not, stay in bed. But, the times I want a little extra shut eye myself, I've tried this trick...

In a clean room, I simply set out a few puzzles, or toys (this is another topic, but I rotate toys, just so I always have a newish toy ready). Anyhow, if there is a new something out before they reach their door, they will usually sit down and play. I have built a house out of books - just something different to draw their attention.

Any other good ideas?

No Biting, No Fighting

My little one has pushed a few kids at the playground lately...I am not sure how to handle it. I can tell parents want to see me resolve the issue but I just don't know how best to do it.

I'm going to divide this question into two answers. I'll call the first part "Damage Control" or what you could try at the park. And the second part will be called "Preventative Measures" or things you can try before the park.

Damage Control
The firm way would probably be to rush over saying "No" and then giving your child a timeout...but here's why I don't think that is the most effective. Imagine you are the child, you are playing in the sand and something frustrating happens and in response you push or hit another child, by the time your mom hurries over to scold, you are playing happily again. So, when you are standing of the edge of the park in a timeout, you are confused as why you are being punished and instead of feeling remorse or empathy for the child you have hit, you are feeling anger at your mother for making you stand at the edge. Confusion and Anger aren't great side effects of punishment.

Here's another way...rush over to your child, get down at their level (eye to eye), and in a soft gentle voice help them see the consequences of what they have done. Ie. "When you hit Jason look how sad he feels, and I feel sad when you hit. Hands aren't for pushing/hitting, they are for scooping in the sand, or climbing the ladders. We are so sorry Jason - can we get you a bucket to play with?" I would then move your child to a different place in the park, to try again. It isn't fun if the same friends get hurt over and over. So, be sure to take your child home if they are hitting a lot - not as a punishment, but as a way to get them out of a bad situation. They are probably tired or hungry if they are extra feisty.

The one thing to keep in mind - Negative Attention is better than no attention. So, as long as they aren't hitting to have you rush to their side, then continue to lovingly teach them. And in the meantime, rush over to their side when they are playing the happiest and say something like, "I noticed that you were using your hands to climb and dig and I had to come tell you how happy I feel." Give them they most attention when they are playing nicely.

Preventative Measures
I have found that the playground isn't the best learning environment - its more like getting through a trip then really gaining "no hitting" skills. There is too much opposition.

So, here are a few ideas...at home when your child is playing, go sit near them and start playing (not with them, but beside them), and narrate your play.
For example, say out loud..."I love to make my doll walk, it makes me happy, wow, I can really make her run fast, this is fun! (Then look at what your child is playing with and pretend to want it). I see that James has a car, that might be more fun. I really want that car. Should I take it? Nooooo, that would make him sad. But, I really want the car, maybe I should push him. No, that would make him sad and I would feel sad. I don't want to make him feel sad, maybe I could use my words. Yes! I'll use my words! (to your child) Can I have a turn when you are done, James? Thank you, thank you, you made me so happy! I feel so happy that I used my words." You get the idea - give your child the tools to help them make better decisions.

Also, on the walk to the park, be sure you lay out expectations. "At the park, you can run, and get in the water, and climb the slide. At the park, we aren't going to push or hit or take toys away from other children. And if a child pushes you, why don't you hurry away and go on the slide, that would be more fun." Help them know the plan.

Sometimes its hard to stop something - so replacing bad behavior is easier than eliminating it. So, if your child is pushing a lot - help change the motion to a hug or something different. At home you can practice. Don't make the mistake of calling a push a hug. When they push you or a sibling, just say something like, "When you use your arms for hugging me I feel so happy...like this (and help them give you a hug)." This fills them with positive attention instead of negative attention for telling them to stop pushing.

Ok, there are a few ideas, but I know you all have tricks, so chime in. This way we can be extra helpful for those with this question!

Sleep Baby Sleep

My baby will not take a nap - what should I do?

I think that having a well rested baby and child is one of the biggest gifts you can give a child. I am a believer that children need a lot of sleep. The idea of tiring out a child just doesn't work for bedtime - they will eventually sleep - but in the end a well rested child will be happier, make better choices, which means less tears and anger. So the energy you put into a sleeping little one will really make your life easier!

First things first, remember when you would hold your infant in your arms and watch every breath and see them fall deeper and deeper into sleep - you would notice every twitch, every eye flicker? This is the very information that will help you discover what kind of sleeper you have. Some babies fall into deep sleep right away, others need 15 and some it takes 30 minutes. How do you know if they are in deep sleep - well, if you lift their limp arm in the air and drop it and it falls like a rock - they are in deep sleep.

Ok, now take that information, and realize that when you are putting your now 6 month old baby to bed - they are going to need quiet - good quiet while they fall into deep sleep.

Some babies love their crib more than anything - this will make it easy if your baby is in this category. If not, you will need to detoxify the crib...no, not with a certain cleaning product..."detoxify the crib" is my own made up term for making the crib a happy place. This means doing whatever you can do to make the crib your baby's happiest place (besides your arms). So here are a few ways to make it happy (do these for at least two weeks if your child doesn't like the crib)...

1. Let your baby play with toys in it - but don't leave them so long they cry - only a few minutes - long enough to create happy memories.


2. Get in the crib with your baby - I know, it seems wrong, but if you like to be in there, they will!


3. Never rush in and sweep up your crying baby out of the crib (unless they are sick) try and help them be happy before you pick them up ie. peek a boo or tickling games


4. Be sure they get their special blankets, pacifiers, whatever they love the most

And then once the crib is the happiest place, focus on the first nap. This means as soon as your baby wakes up watch them like a hawk, as soon as they yawn (not the wake up yawn) but the first sleepy sign...rubbing eyes, yawning, sometimes sadness...put them down. This may be an hour after they are up - but if you can get a first nap in right away - the second nap and bedtime will be so much easier.

I am a fan of wrapping little babies, and older babies I sing a little song or something - the same thing every time to signal - nap time. Some babies like music - but some its too stimulating - so just be wary.

Novels are written on this subject - so this is just the beginning. And its almost ironic because although my kids really love nap time and sleeping - this week it hasn't been so ideal. My two year old learned to escape from the bed and is in the middle of getting up and getting up. I'm in the midst of a calm - return to bed - no extra cuddles, just persistence project. Sigh...so for me - be sure and add ideas for toddlers who get up and up and up...I have a few others, but my general rule of thumb - is if you do something consistently for two weeks with no luck - its probably not a match for your child...and I'm at seven days and counting!

Painting: Sleeping Child Covered with Blanket by Henry Moore