Plan Ahead

About three months ago, I thought to myself, "I should have some Children's Benadryl at home just in case." And four days ago, when I had a little boy break out in head to toe hives I was so grateful. Its just one of those things - you never know how allergic your child will be and when something bad could happen. Anyhow, I was just glad and thought I would pass along a big sigh.

PS. Hives are white or red raised rashes that can be on any part of the body. Yuck - I hate them so.

Anyhow, if you have a good plan ahead medical suggestion, please share!

Painting: Slumber by William Bouguereau

Crib Escapees

my toddler (under two) just learned how to scale his crib effortlessly. I feel it is too young for a big bed, especially since he has a hard time "resting". Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Annie, I just have to say, sorry...I have been soooo slow...trust me, its been a crazy month of strep throat and hives. You've probably solved your problem...

I know two people that love their tent for the crib - solved all their problems.

I haven't had a chance to use it - but I'm afraid to say that a big bed might be your best answer. Get a child proof handle for the inside of the bedroom - genius idea I saw a friend do. So, even if they aren't napping they can have some quiet time.

And you can click here to see some ways to transition.

Good luck!

The Best Trick I Know

I feel like I should share the best parenting tool I ever learned. I can't even tell you where or when I discovered it, but it is probably the one thing that I use every day.

I'll call it - Giving Choices.

So, this is how it works. Instead of saying, "Come and eat!" I say, "Its time to eat, do you want to walk to the table or do you want me to carry you there?"

The first option is often met with a flat out - no. But, somehow using different words helps children cooperate - it gives them a choice.

Here are a few more examples...

Instead of, "Its time to come inside" (which seems so simple to say but kids never just do it) Try starting the same way, but add a choice..."Its time to come inside. Would you like to walk up the stairs all by yourself or do you want me to hold your hand?"

Instead of, "Its time to get out of the tub," try something like, "Would you like to take out the plug now or do you want me to?"

Instead of "Get dressed!" I say, "Its time to get dressed - do you want me to pick the clothes today or do you want to?"

Instead of "Pick up your toys!" I could say, "'Its time to pick up your toys; do you want to put them away fast or slow?" If the answer is fast you could set a timer.

Be sure to give two options you can live with - but it is really the best trick I know. Anyhow, whenever you are given a flat out - no - just rephrase. Try the option thing instead of reasoning.

When I was growing up there were some Saturdays my mom would ask us to either clean up our rooms or dance with her...so here's to dancing and having fun. Choices can be fun!

Painting: The Village Girl and The Imaginative Boy both by Robert Henri - who I love by the by

Books, Books, Books - Five

Everytime I read a book to a non-reader, I take my magic finger and touch each word in the title. I don't do it for the whole book - but always the title and title page. Right now, my little two year old is starting to recognize a few letters. So, I'll also stop in the middle of the story and say as if though I have just found a pot of gold, "Look, I just found a "D" on this page" - letters are more fun when they are a part of a hide and seek game.

Tantrums While Babysitting

My niece (who I will be watching for the next 8 days) is 2 and throws tantrums anytime they leave a "fun" place- friends houses, parks etc... Should I just ignore her and pick her up and put her in the car??? Advice???

Its hard when its not your child - because you aren't going to be able to make a permanent change - its more about coping.

I would suggest one simple plan. Anytime you go somewhere "fun" - before you get out of the car go over the plan and lay out your expectations. Here's a simple sample conversation:
"We are going to get out of the car and play at the park. But, when I say,'Time to Go' you need to say,'Okay'! Can you practice saying ok for me?"
"Okay!"
"Can you say it louder?"
"Okay!!"
"Wow, that was great. If you can say okay that loudly when I say, 'Time to go,' then you can have an Elmo sticker when we get back in the car."
When it is two minutes to departure, say something like...
"I am going to say, 'Time to Go' in two minutes and if you say Okay really loudly and get into the car with a happy smile then you can have your sticker!"
And then with one minute to go...
"I am going to say, 'Time to Go' in one minute and if you say Okay really loudly and get into the car with a happy smile then you can have your sticker!"
And then...
"It's Time to Go!"

I would get Elmo stickers, Princess stickers...something that they are into. You can even stretch the warnings to five minutes.

Anyhow, if it doesn't work, be prepared to scoop and go. And if there are still tears, when you get in the car remind her that she didn't get a sticker, but that if she can say Okay happily the next time, then she can have one. Don't over think it - but if you stick to your plan she will probably learn that you aren't someone who is going to give in. And you'll have a happier week in the end.

Good luck!

Picking

What would be your advice on how to stop a 3 yr old from picking her lip? Audrey has developed this nervous habit and now has a continuous cycle of scabs and bleeding. She doesn't respond to discipline with it and even has run out of the room to pick while I'm not looking...

Whatever it takes. I would start by putting bandaids on each and every finger (that makes it harder to take off the others). Or putting gloves on her hands.

Anyhow, I am guessing that you solved the problem because I've been really slow in responding. So, let us know what worked for you!

Picture: The Calmady Children by Sir Thomas Lawrence

Biting

I think I have a biter. Lucy is just 10 months and she leads with her mouth when she climbs on things. When she climbs on us, many times she bites us. Also, a few times when we've told her 'no' she'll turn to us and try to bite. Most of the time she doesn't realize she's doing it -like when she's climbing on us-but I'm constantly nervous because I've been bit so many times already?

So my main goal in anything to do with parenting - is to really communicate an idea. You want your children to learn because they understand. And its hard to get little ones to understand.

A silly, simple solution is to put her own arm in the way of her biting mouth. This is a way to help them understand the consequence. Saying, "Ouch," when nothing is hurting them doesn't really make a lot of sense. But, if they see that what they are doing isn't fun. Of course, there are some kids who seem to hurt themselves when they are angry - banging their heads, biting their arm...and if your child does this - then I wouldn't use this idea. Because they need to learn how to be kind to their bodies. Isn't it interesting how different we all are...

I also try to keep their mouth open and not let them bite at all. Pushing down on their lower teeth - and saying calmly, "Teeth are for biting food, not people."

What do you do?