Street Danger

My hands are full with a very busy and quick little 2 1/2 year old boy and a 5 mo old infant. When home I'm able to juggle both of their needs and am glad for the time being that my 5 mo old isn't mobile yet. Today I went to the library with a friend who also has young children. My friend said, "I'm afraid your little boy is going to be hit by a car, he just runs straight out into the street without fear" I realized I have got to find an effective way to teach him that the street equals danger!!!! I always explain to him that cars don't stop for little boys and he needs to stop when he gets to the street to wait for mom and dad to help him cross. Obviously what I'm doing is not working. Please help me with a strategy to teach him to stay away from the street!!

This is a situation I recently faced. I will share with you the why and what of my actions.

I was trying to load the car with the diaper bag, a large stack of boxes for the mailbox, and my children. Just as I got the last box in, out of the corner of my eye I saw that my little one put his foot in the street.

I turned and yelled, "STOP!" I didn't use a you-are-in-so-much-trouble voice, but more of a panicked-what-if-there-were-a-car voice. I ran over to him, as if though he had been hurt by a car. And scooped him up and said, "Are you alright?" over and over. I started kissing his arms and legs, "telling him that I was so happy his arms were safe and his legs didn't get hurt."

I think that my mind's eye had taken me to the moment of a car crash and I wanted him to feel my fear that something really bad could happen (more than anger or a casual response). I wanted him to feel the gravity. And when I started crying (yes, I am pretty sure the tears were more real than forced), I then told him that it isn't safe...something very bad could happen (I think I used the words tire and squish - but I can't remember) and that he always has to hold my hand in the street. He started crying a little bit, realizing how serious, not because I was angry, but because he had done something that made me scared and very sad.

We haven't had another problem. He is very careful, and I have now empowered him to help me check both ways and tell me when it is safe. But, he always has a hand.

So, that is the what. The why is that sometimes I think helping a child understand the emotion behind a serious situation helps them learn. Sure, some kids can be told not to go near the street, and just won't. But, I think it is important to help teach them, that it isn't just a rule - don't eat on the couch - or something. That it is about safety, and the consequence could be really big.

I am sure there are other ways, so please share what has worked for you...





Painting: Paris Street, Rainy Day, 1877/Gustave Caillebotte — The Art Institute of Chicago

Timing

My husband and I have been married many years now and he has an excellent stable career that he plans to be with until retirement. We own our home and I am ready to start our family. He thinks otherwise. He would like to wait another few years and I am getting very frustrated. I know we should wait until both husband and wife want to have children but I am starting to wonder if he will ever come around and what it will finally take to have him ready. Do I shut my mouth and try to not get frustrated or is there anything to be done?

I think one important thing to realize is that it isn't about being ready right this minute. It is about being ready nine months from now. It might make it easier to think of that way.

But, definitely do not shut your mouth. I think that being emotional honest is really important - and I would perhaps suggest that you pick a time (a starting and ending time) and a date to sit down and talk about this very question.

To Kindergarten or Not to Kindergarten...

My first child has a birthday in November. The cut off date for school here is December 1st. So my son could start preschool this fall or I could hold him back and wait a year. I put him in a formal preschool this year with every intention of sending him to Kindergarten this fall. However, now that he is in preschool (and loving it) my husband and I are seriously considering waiting another year before sending him to Kindergarten. He's a great kid, smart, tall, athletics are in his blood. He's confident, well adjusted, yada yada yada. So him being the youngest in his class wouldn't be a problem. I've got a 2 1/2 year old and an 8 month old at home as well, who also keep me busy. Would it be better to have my son home another year to help strengthen his character and possibly make school a bit easier for him as he will be older? Or would we be doing him a disservice by holding him back thus making him bored in school? We are soooo on the fence on this issue and would love any insight you can provide.

Hard Question (and of course, I remember you!) - I was on that boy-born-in-December fence. And because it is so personal I don't think I can give you a do or don't...but I can share the thoughts I've had and information I collected in the process:

Sign-Up - It doesn't hurt to sign up now. It almost helped taking my son to the school he might attend. It made it real for him and I was able to really listen to those instincts. It helped make my decision when I knew more and was in waist deep. You can always change your mind and start later.

The Shifting Deadline - So, the deadline for Kindergarten is different everywhere. In Manhattan it is the end of the year. In California it is December 2nd-ish. In many midwest states it is September. So, if you are planning on moving or changing - you may want to look into where you will go, because those will be his peers.

The Current Trend - In general, more and more children (especially the boys) are being held back. At one point we were looking into private schools in NY and even the parents with children who had summer birthdays were holding them back. It was just nice to know.

Social Aspect - So, in general, boys seem to blossom a bit slower than girls...especially socially. So, I would really ask myself about how he interacts with other children. Is he ready to voice his opinion and start conversations (aka Please don't take my puzzle piece or I was watching Bionicles...)?

Physical Aspect - Most Kindergartners are skipping and running and running and running. They are starting all of those American sports - basketball, soccer...and did I mention running?! So, if he is ready to just join in then that is a really good sign.

Bored in School? - I feel like this is a common concern. But, I have to say, that Kindergarten is such a new change - new rules, new friends, new schedule - that this isn't really a major problem. And not surprisingly, the kids are bright and the level of learning is quite high. I've heard it said that Kindergarten is the new first grade...

More Time at Home - Although it wasn't the case, I felt like I was saying good-bye forever at the door of the Kindergarten Room. I was no longer his only influence. He was going out into the world and had I taught him enough kindness or helped fill him with self-esteem? But, your influence isn't lost when he leaves. In fact, it is expanded as you get to talk through new situations. We talk about situations - What would you do if this boy says this or does this? It is nice to know that it isn't the end.

Think Down the Road - Do you remember being the first friend with a Driver's License - or were you the last? And does that matter to you at all as a parent?

Just so that you know, either way will be ok, he'll be ok. I worried that I would significantly be shifting my child's life...but as long as your instinct isn't a loud, "No!" it is going to work out with all of the bumps that any road has. In the end, school will happen now or in a year. And it will all work out...just make sure you open all the doors you can!