Pattern Trains

What activities can I be doing with my daughter (she will be three in October) now that are fun and educational?

You know when kids enter the why, why, why phase or what, what, what phase...sometimes you want to ban questions. But, its really a gift because instead of simply giving an answer - you get to help them learn the process for finding answers. But, here's something they don't ask about, but it might be fun to introduce...

One more idea for educational play...Pattern Trains.

You know how kids are tested in school and all the way through their life on patterns. Somehow, someone important who makes tests thinks patterns are really important. Me, not so much. But, I wanted to try and help "break the code" of patterns. Ultimately, so that my child could start recognizing them early.

You know a lot of kids love trains - well I decided to call patterns - Pattern Trains. And building patterns was just a way of building a long train (except this train does not connect unless its a pattern).

So, the first time I bought Starbursts and did a simple every other pattern. It was more fun (because although we weren't eating the candy, playing with candy is fun). And we would make long red, yellow, red, yellow pattern trains. We would get more complicated with a red, yellow, pink, red, yellow, pink. And I would say something like "Red, yellow, pink, red, yellow, p-p-p- what comes next?"

Somehow thinking of patterns as trains helped unlock the code for my child (and me a little bit too). Anyhow, then we used those colored cotton balls, and kept expanding. We would build a pattern train with toys...lego, teddy bear, lego, teddy bear (the lego being our "connector") trust me - connectors are important to kids. It helped!


Painting: Red Cross Train Passing a Village by Gino Severini

Giving Babies Limits

How do you teach a little one-about 8 months old-how to stay away from things like wires? I want my little one to be able to go where she wants in the house, but of course she's drawn to things she shouldn't have-like all of the wires under the computer. And I want her to learn that there are somethings that shouldn't be played with, even if they look like fun. Is there anyway to teach her to leave these things alone? Or should I just succumb and completely baby proof the entire house? Now that she's mobile, she doesn't even play with her toys-she only wants to climb and crawl to things she shouldn't.

Yes, baby proof. But, I think that after 6 months, a crawling baby is the perfect time to start developing limits - I hate the idea of rules so young. But just think of them as limits, not rules or mandates. They seem to have an easier time if there are limits from the beginning - not many, but a few.

The fireplace seems to draw babies - and it just isn't safe. So, after I did this first idea for about a week - I never had a problem. My baby would crawl on by after I did this...

The first idea - make a loud sound. Right as they are about to touch the fireplace - a "honk" or a duck-sounding, loudish "aaa!" A loud - but short sound. I know that kids aren't animals - but the simple Pavlovian method of doing something unpleasant helps them associate surprising sound with touching the fireplace. They are so little, that they learn pretty quickly. Does that make sense?

The second idea - 20 seconds of holding their arms still. So, right after they have gotten to the fireplace you (instead of saying no - or saying anything) just go to their side and looking away, you hold their arms still at their side. After they realize they are stuck, count to 20 (it will make them a bit frustrated) then calmly say, if you touch the fireplace, you can't use your arms. Short. Sweet. And again they associate something they would rather not with an unpleasant moment. This idea comes from The New First Three Years.

I would only do one at a time and see which one your baby responds to. Good luck!

If anyone has another idea, please share!

Painting: The Delphic Sibyl by Michelangelo detail from the Sistine Chapel

TV Time - Yea or Nay?

What do you think of videos? I was strictly opposed before, but my child LOVES them! My mom lets her watch Dora or Elmo in the car and she gets so excited and starts singing along and doing the moves. I wonder if maybe she learns more or just as much from the video as from playing with a toy. Obviously, time interacting with me or another human is better than the video, but do you think the video is a bad idea categorically? Thanks.

When I wake up and feel sick - the kind of sick where I know I'll be stuck in bed all day - I feel so grateful for videos. I am grateful that there is such good programming, enough to fill an entire day and more. Seriously, your child may just be the next baby Einstein after all that they learn.

And the studies I know prove that a child watching television is very different than adults - it is so interactive. They have to shout "Para!" or jump up and down or help find those Blue's Clues. And the interaction makes it very different for children than adults.

Having said that, I don't think its really about the quality or even how much joy they find. I really think its more about their behavior and yours. And what I mean is, do your kids watch tv or movies out of habit or out of novelty? Do you use the video as a tool or a crutch?

I remember forever ago, I had moved and found myself without cable - there wasn't a single channel I could find, even using bunny ears. And for one solid week I would walk around and wonder what to do - especially in the evening. I would turn the tv on and off - out of habit - clearly nothing would be on. I would think about shows and count down until my cable returned. And by about day two I realized how addictive it can be - how my behavior had changed - I didn't have a system for living without a tv - and I had turned into a pacing tiger waiting instead of living.

But of course, my kids watch movies and tv. We love Backyardigans, Elmo, Cars. But, I try not to let it become a significant part of the day - and make sure there are days we don't do it at all - because there is a lot of fun to be had - and its nice to know we still can fill our day with play. Our imaginations and play world is just as fun. We aren't in a rut.

If you try having a "no tv day" and it is really painful - it can really get you thinking. Does your child ask for movies over and over when they are bored instead of asking for playdough over and over? Are you finding yourself without things to do or without new ideas? I think a day off is a great measure! If its no problem - then all the better!

Anyhow, keep watching, and thank goodness on regular days, sick days, and especially those "no good, terrible" days that we have such a great tool.

Crib to Bed Transition

Any clues on how/when to transition kids from their crib to a toddler bed? Ben (21 months) climbed out of his crib the other day. I'm hoping that the fall scared him enough not to do it again, but I'm starting to think toddler bed now especially since his little brother will be wanting the crib in the next few months anyway. Also, have you ever used a crib tent? What do you think of those?

Timing is hard to answer. Because the answer is - when both your child and you are ready. Just because he's ready, doesn't mean you are.

So, if he's climbing out of a crib - he's really getting close. But, if you aren't ready, then you can always lower the bar so that its simply safer to get out on his own. As for the crib tent - I have no idea!! It sounds like a great fix to prolong crib time and keep your little one safer - but I have no first hand knowledge - I don't even know who to ask. Sorry, I'm letting you down.

You have to be ready too, because transitioning takes a lot of effort.

So, first start talking about it. Start pointing out friends that sleep in beds. Talk about your bed and how much you love your bed. And after a week of "prepping" conversations - ask if he wants one.

Then I would start with a trip to buy sheets (of course you need to decide if twin or toddler bed is what you want ahead of time and I don't really have an opinion). You want your child to be so excited about the transition. And if you aren't really keen about Transformer sheets then get a Transformer pillow case at least. You want them to feel like they have made the decision - not that it is thrust upon them.

Now, you probably know if your child is good at change or struggles with it - how does he do when you leave him with a babysitter? or at nursery? If he isn't great at it, then you will really have to ease him into the new bed. You will have to camp out on the floor the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th night (but let him try the first night - who knows it could be great!)

The hardest thing about a real bed is the freedom. The freedom to get up and walk around. The freedom to come and get you. So, just be prepared for two weeks of pushing the limits. He'll test you. And I would suggest...that every time he gets up - you immediately take him right back in. No words, not really warm, just the action. It may take 15 times. But, if you stick with it, he'll learn. But, try whatever system for a good two weeks before giving in!

What am I forgetting?

Painting: detail of Starry Night over the Rhone by Vincent van Gogh

True Story

Tonight was one of those nights...you know the times you just hold on and hope that bedtime will come sooner. And once they are in bed, you just hope that they will fall asleep to afford you a break - just a small break.

I think it started with a finger nail accidentally being cut too short - we're not talking about too short in my opinion - just in his. Anyhow, it turned into a bawling, shouting, screaming performance. And when one child cries, others follow.

Somehow, I was able to stay calm (I was secretly laughing at the performance which helps me keep my sanity). But, by the time all bodies were in bed, the crying was still not over. The performance was clearly moving to the second act. So, I had to resort to my never fail method - THE STORY.

I am a story teller through and through. And when I start with "Once upon a time there was a little boy named Toby..." little ears start to listen and I tell it as if though their is no crying, using a soft voice. I tell stories that are just for the listener. So, tonight was a story that started with Toby drawing a space shuttle - a space shuttle with weapons that suddenly detached from the paper and started growing and growing. Toby's only hope was to draw a second space shuttle with shields, etc. I took my time and talked slowly. By the end, the tears had stopped - hooray!

I have told stories to tired children on the subway, on long walks when they don't think they can walk any further, and right in the middle of stores to distract them. Its worked on every child I have met. It doesn't matter - as long as I tell a story about something important to the listener. So, for my two year old its garbage trucks. And to a crowd - I jump from dinosaur to princess to trains made out of candy.

And, if you are thinking you aren't a story teller - just start trying it. It will be hard to come up with crazy tales the first few times. But, you'll get better at it. Who knew - you needed practice to make up fantastical stories.

Anyhow, I thought I would share a my own moment!

Painting: The Boyhood of Raleigh by John Everett Millais

Walking

How do you help a 15 month old baby {my daughter} that could easily walk on her own, but doesn't have the confidence yet learn to walk? I don't mind {ok, I love it} that she likes holding my hand, but do sometimes wonder when she will walk by herself.

Two ideas!

One. Instead of walking around the house holding her little fingers, hold a marker and let her hold the other end of the marker. Its easier to let go of a thing than a person - especially a special person like a mom. So, keep stretching away, maybe another larger toy, next, in between.

Two. Put all of your chairs on their side and line them up. So they create a long rail to walk along. I remember this was so much fun - we had to do it everyday. And learning to walk just takes a lot of practice sometimes. So, the more they walk on their own, the better.

WALKING (my favorite walking song - click the title to hear a snippet on iTunes)

Walking

walking

walking

walking

Seems so easy now

But I remember when I was small

And I did not know how

I would take two steps and then fall down...

But up I'd stand, dust my hands

And tell myself I know I can

(Words: Martha Cheney /
Music: Hap Palmer) ©Hap-Pal Music, Inc.

Painting: detail from Woman with a Parasol and a Small Child by Pierre Auguste Renoir

Educational Play - Start with Vowels

What activities can I be doing with my daughter (she will be three in October) now that are fun and educational?

Its so fun to hear from you! I'm glad you tracked me down. Congrats on your daughter! I divided your question in two - and I'll answer about Preschools soon...

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

- Pablo Picasso

I'm in love with this quote and the question you pose is similar. So, first, I'll just say what I think "educational" means to me. There is so much stuff out there - the name of every construction vehicle, the name of animals and animals, you can learn every planet, Greek God's, every car model, obviously the list goes on and on. And I think that it really isn't the stuff that's important. Its more the process. The most educational thing you can do for your child is help them be interested in the world. So I think good "educational" play - means its a lot of fun and interesting.

I remember scooping my little one in my lap and trying to read to him, only to have him squirm away. And at first I was crushed - why won't my child listen to a book being read? Its because he was more interested in building a block tower at the moment (or whatever). What I have learned is that being interesting in what they like is the best place to start. So, if they like trucks - learn everything there is about trucks - go find one to sit in. Read truck books, build playdough trucks, park the trucks to line up into big A's...

What?! You ask - ok, here's the little trick. Whatever they are really interested in - I use as the tool to open new doors. So, let's say your child loves plastic necklaces, and princess jewelry. Then play princess with them, and before you put on the lovely pink treat put it down on the ground and exclaim, "Oh, I am so lucky, I have an "O" necklace. This is the most wonderful thing in the whole world. O, o, o, o, oooo!" Then show your daughter her necklace makes an "O" - Show her her magical "O" ring. And your excitment will help her start to learn letters. Never with flashcards or pressure. But, just sneak little moments in like that! Start with vowels! And in a few days, use the necklace to make an "I" on the ground! Use playdough to make big "I" shaped Islands where Ice cream cones live...

Shapes, Colors, Letters, Numbers - just make sure they are fun! I have a few more ideas - if people like this one...what do you do?

Painting" The Peace Dove by Pablo Picasso

The Schmoozer

I have an almost 3 year-old boy. Of course, like any kid, he loves treats or candy. We try to limit them at home, but people are so nice in the world, and he's not afraid to talk to strangers, so he asks anyone and everyone for a treat or piece of candy. At church, he will go up to strangers and say, "can I have a piece of gum?". Of course, people are flattered and usually have a mint or something, so he gets what he wants wherever he goes. I try not to let this happen if I am around, but I always worry when I leave him at playgroup, nursery, or with a babysitter. Any advice for the mom of a "schmoozing" 3 year-old?

Send him to me - oh, wait, I'm probably the person giving your kid the treats. I have to admit, I'm a veritable Pied Piper of treats. But, I know what you mean - you need some tools - for the times its not ok.

So, here's my mantra. You can't simply eliminate behavior...but, you can replace it. So, instead of saying, "Stop!" or "Don't do that!" you'll want to think of another action - one that is acceptable to you. It sounds like you don't mind him being social - it's more the sweet consequences. So here are some things to keep the social behavior but alter it, for example...

You could bring stickers and see if your child could offer stickers to friends instead of asking for food.

You could teach him to use the "give me five" phrase. Really make it fun, have him go ask people to "give me five" and if its fun enough the adventure becomes the reward. In order for it really to work you would have to roll play at home. Set up a row of stuffed animals on the coach and have him go up to Mr. Paws and say, "Give me five!" And you of course, would help Mr. Paws with the follow-through. Then, when you are in a social situation, you can ask him to go up to a good friend, and say "Give me five!" If its a production it will be more fun than candy - you hope. (Oh, and if high fives are too loud, go with an "ET phone home finger touch" or some other cool handshake). And I am guessing your 3 year old probably knows "give me five" - but not for this purpose.

You could bring your own stock pile of treats - and set up a rule. If he doesn't ask anyone for treats he can have one from you. This helps you know exactly what he is getting. And if you do this for awhile he would get out of his treat asking habit - because its probably a habit above all.

If those don't work, just keep thinking about the idea of replacing the behavior - and just decide what is acceptable to you. Good luck!


Illustration: The Pied Piper of Hamelin by Kate Greenaway

Use Your Words

When my child and another child are both trying to go for the same thing - be it a toy, the slide or climbing apparatus - I feel as long as they aren't pushing and shoving that it is ok to let them alone and have them work it out between the two of them with words...What do you think is the right thing to do?

If they using their words - great! Sit back and enjoy!

The phrase I say from morning to night is "Use your words...use your words." I say "use your words" when kids are crying, whining, pushing, jumping, and definitely fighting. Most little kids forget to "use their words" - a reminder is necessary.

But I would suggest if they are pretty little, even if they have the words, they don't know the right words. They don't know the ones that will fix the problem. So, if you can help them before the problem gets huge - why not? Hurry to their side like their very own superego...whisper the magic phrase, "Use your words."

If playground play is extra hard for your little one - then roll play at home with stuffed animals. Help them practice so they have the tools they need.

Let's face it - by the time I get to the park I'll I want to do is sit back and let them play. Anyhow, what do you think is the right thing to do?

Painting: Snap the Whip by Winslow Homer

How to say R's and S's

"Mom, I weally, weally, want to wun and wun with my fwiends" - I am pretty sure this is what I sounded like growing up! R's were my downfall.

A few little ones have trouble saying "r" and "s" - here are two little ideas that could help them...

If they can't say "r" then tell them to smile while they say it - it puts the mouth in the right position! (Try it while you read this - it really works!)

If they can't say "s" its probably because they have a gap - so remind them to make their teeth touch when they say "s" - perfect!

A lot of kids end up in speech therapy - but their are simply things you can help them do at home! They just need help - and a lot of practice!

Silk Screen: Les Oiseaux by Henri Matisse

It Worked!

At least for one little one - she describes what a good example roll playing in discipline can be! An idea she found reading about creative disciplining ideas right here, a previous Miss Angie post! Let us know what works for you - and what ideas are a complete flop. Its helpful to know what doesn't work as well!

Click on the colored words for the links! Its a really helpful story!

Feverish

My little one has run a low grade fever the last couple of days and I'm conflicted between taking him to see the doctor or waiting it out. Also, when he's a little bit sick like this should I allow him to cry it out in the night or should I go to him? Help!
Poor little one. And poor you. When you have a sick baby, don't you just want a friend or a sister or a mom around to help make all of the decisions. Someone to help talk it out. Its hard to know because every fever and every cough is slightly different...

Growing up, my Grandpa was a doctor, so we had a terrible habit of calling Grandpa and only heading to the hospital when it was desperate. I think this mentality has spilled over into how I do things. So, I guess this is as good a place as any to stick in a disclaimer - I'm not a doctor and have no doctoring degree. I'm just giving my own advice - and I'm just an Angie, an Angie with kids, giving the best advice I can.

My kids seem to get fevers with teething and immunizations and sometimes colds and on and on. So, I give my kids Tylenol right away when they get a fever. And then I wait and watch. And this is my big determining factor - if the fever breaks fairly well with medicine I don't go in. The fever will probably last several days (meaning on and off and with Tylenol doses as directed). It helps me to remember that a fever is the body's way of trying to get rid of illnesses - so its not always so bad.

I, personally, would rather stay away from doctor's office which is usually a nightmare - the waiting, the other sick kids, and of course the waiting some more. If its a fever and something more - I still wait and watch for at least three days. But if you're worried and the fever won't break - go in - its better to be safe than sorry.

But, here's one trick - did you know if you call your doctor and ask for a prescription over the phone - they will usually give you one! So, if you know they need something - call and firmly ask for a prescription - if you waffle they probably won't do it! But, its nice to know its an option!

What does anyone else use to decide?

Oh, and as for sleeping through the night - I'd throw all previous rules out the window for sick babies. Just help them and cuddle them. If they are waking up because they are sick - just help soothe them. If they really are sick it won't throw off sleep and such. Its just about getting through.


Painting: L'Infirmierre by Beatrice How

Traveling Tips

Give me traveling tips...Tips for traveling on airplanes, in cars, on buses, on trains...traveling without losing my mind, my temper, or my child and without without giving fellow travelers an hour-long high-pitched serenade accompanied by kicks to the back of the seat.

The best advice. Wrap everything. From books to crayons - whatever you bring wrap it. The wrapping is the exciting part for toddler on up. Don't waste your expensive wrapping paper; use old US Weekly's you have lying about, newspapers, or even printer paper. But, by wrapping each and everything you bring it extends and heightens the process. And the book you've read a thousand times is suddenly new again.

In fact, start hiding away great toys (small things) so they will start forgetting about them now.

Now, when Pandora open her box, it was all kinds of trouble - but having a box or a backpack to fill that is just for them is the best. So, bringing the right things is so important!


What to bring.
1. Stickers.
2. If you are planning on buying a few items - you have to try Crayola's model magic. It's the genius of playdough without the smell or crumbles. Its perfect for the plane.
3. Little kids like familiar books (so wrap and bring the best).
4. I think that bringing one doll or stuffed animal is always nice because if there is some disaster with spilled apple juice and your child is crying or starting to fuss you can always direct the attention to the doll. "How can we help baby - she is really crying right now..."
5. Something to draw with - (again, wrap all of the pens to stretch out the experience - there are also the Crayola Color Wonder pens that won't draw on anything but the special paper).
6. A balloon - to blow up and then let the air out on your child's hands, face, etc. (be sure to wrap even something as small as a balloon).
7. Of course, portable DVD players are genius. And kids love listening to your iPod - so be sure to fill it with music for them.
8. Baggies of food. Marshmallows. crackers. raisins. A little bit of a lot of things is more fun than a lot of one thing.
9. Mini bubbles - I know, it might seem strange on an airplane - but hey, if it works!

Other advice.
I bring Clorox wipes in a plastic bag - I wipe down all of the airplane seats and trays first thing. I just feel so much more at peace.

Get up an walk around on airplanes. And stop and make your child run (really run- enough to get sweaty) if you are in a long car trip.

Now, what has worked for you? Its summer - so everyone needs advice right now!

Painting: Pandora by Odilon Redon

Baby Bottoms

What do you do for diaper rash...any tricks I don't know?

When you walk into Bloomingdale's there are rows of make up counters, and behind the glass enough skin care products to soothe the skin of third world countries. Products like Superdefense Trip Action Moisturizer - SPF 25 - Dry to Very Dry Skin. Finding the right product for your baby can be just as overwhelming. Most people have their favorite (be sure to share). If I had to pick one, I would say Boudreaux's Butt Paste (the nicest smell, easiest to clean off my hands, and it does a nice job).

But the best way I've found is water. Just plain old water. Get rid of fancy jars and labels and products. If after every diaper change (which I would do more frequently for a sore behind) I then rinse the tiny bottom in the sink - they will heal up right away. I've had great and immediate luck! Its almost as if the alcohol in the wipes is just too rough. Sometimes I add a little hydrocortizone cream(but the label is plastered with consult your doctor). Water. Two days.

Painting: Baby Reaching for an Apple by Mary Cassatt