Gordon B. Hinckley
1.28.2008
1.23.2008
Potty Training - Making the Toilet Fun
I need as many ideas as possible here since I seem to have exhausted them all here. I'm potty training, and the problem isn't bladder control, it's physically getting my three and a half old daughter on the toilet!! She won't sit on a training toilet, a special seat on the toilet, or the toilet itself, in fact she refuses to go in the bathroom these days. When I try to get her to go she says over and over, "I can't do it, it's too hard, it's not working." I have tried any sort of bribery, I have tried taking away all that is most dear and precious to her (candy, cartoons, pacifier), asking her to not pee, just sit on the toilet and count to 5 (or even 2 gor goodness sakes), sending her to bed early... Seriously, my child cannot be coerced to do anything she doesn't want to. No form of bribery, punishment or reward works on her. Any ideas I'm not thinking of?
Ok, you need to make the toilet the best part of the entire house. It needs to be a party! Some of the ideas may be over the top, but you'll get the feel for what I am saying.
First of all, I wouldn't try and convince her - I don't think reason and ration help with a determined 3 year old (if she says it's too hard, she'll stick to it). So, I would just focus on getting her to sit on the toilet.
A potty present is the first idea. Buy her a special potty present - the catch: she can only play with it on the toilet. So, to unwrap it, she has to be sitting (not going) on the potty.
A potty party is another idea. Decorate the bathroom with streamers and balloons. Have your little one help you in the kitchen. Make potty cookies, or potty hot chocolate. Again, she can only eat the treat when sitting on the toilet. But, really talk it up the entire time you are making them. And then I would even say something like, "I want the first potty cookie!" I get to sit on the toilet first. Let her see you sit on the toilet. And make sure you have a running dialog, "This is so fun. I love to sit on the toilet. I feel so grown-up. Babies can't sit on toilet, but I can!" You get the idea. But, it is good for kids to see their parents on the toilet, especially if they have an aversion or fear.
Ok, this is silly, but have you ever thought of plugging the tv into a closer outlet, so that they can watch their favorite show on the potty. A potty show, I guess...I know it is crazy, but sometimes you just need them to happily sit there. I never tried this one, but I heard of it and loved it!
Finally, story time on the potty. I am telling you, that I did a lot of reading to my eldest on the toilet.
It sounds like you just need to make the bathroom the best place for awhile - if she's got the control, the next part will be easy! Good luck!
Ok, you need to make the toilet the best part of the entire house. It needs to be a party! Some of the ideas may be over the top, but you'll get the feel for what I am saying.
First of all, I wouldn't try and convince her - I don't think reason and ration help with a determined 3 year old (if she says it's too hard, she'll stick to it). So, I would just focus on getting her to sit on the toilet.
A potty present is the first idea. Buy her a special potty present - the catch: she can only play with it on the toilet. So, to unwrap it, she has to be sitting (not going) on the potty.
A potty party is another idea. Decorate the bathroom with streamers and balloons. Have your little one help you in the kitchen. Make potty cookies, or potty hot chocolate. Again, she can only eat the treat when sitting on the toilet. But, really talk it up the entire time you are making them. And then I would even say something like, "I want the first potty cookie!" I get to sit on the toilet first. Let her see you sit on the toilet. And make sure you have a running dialog, "This is so fun. I love to sit on the toilet. I feel so grown-up. Babies can't sit on toilet, but I can!" You get the idea. But, it is good for kids to see their parents on the toilet, especially if they have an aversion or fear.
Ok, this is silly, but have you ever thought of plugging the tv into a closer outlet, so that they can watch their favorite show on the potty. A potty show, I guess...I know it is crazy, but sometimes you just need them to happily sit there. I never tried this one, but I heard of it and loved it!
Finally, story time on the potty. I am telling you, that I did a lot of reading to my eldest on the toilet.
It sounds like you just need to make the bathroom the best place for awhile - if she's got the control, the next part will be easy! Good luck!
1.11.2008
Potty Training - Regression
I have a 4 year old boy, who shows his stress through his accidents. I could give you details, like he has been potty trained for over a year but not through the night - which in my experience is normal. I have 4 kids and he is number 3. He is very verbal and extremely physical (he can ride a 2 wheeler), but the question is...What can I do to help a preschooler who takes out his stress by peeing in his pants? Any thoughts?
Thoughts...you know I do!
I feel like every child is so unique when it comes to potty training. And the fact that your little guy is in preschool tells me this - his world is changing and different. School at any age poses new situations and frustrations. There can be a new situation everyday, and he could be taking in more than you could ever imagine. And to be number three of four means that he has a lot going on at home. Any given day there are so many people, and infinite number of situations and he is probably really sensitive (a tangent - I just love third children, they are so wonderful and good, they are my favorites).
I feel like the first thing you can do is spend extra time with him. Not talking about potty training or accidents. Just something personal - coloring, playing basketball, cooking. Invite him (literally, you could make an invitation) or just ask him to do something with you. Just you two. And while you are coloring, make sure you tell him how wonderful he is. Really build his confidence. Help him remember how important he is.
The secret weapon - DADS. I would have his dad do the same thing. Spending extra time for at least two weeks will really help how he feels about himself. The most balanced child in the world can loose confidence when they are nervous about something (and he probably doesn't even know he is - he could never verbalize it). But, really have his dad make time for him alone, just while things are rough.
And then, when an accident does happen, treat it as if though you were cleaning up after dinner - totally routine. Don't give it extra attention - don't talk to him about it.
And then, have him go a lot. Do all of the preventative things you can. I know that this conversation happens a lot: "Go potty..." in response, "But I don't have to go..." But, I can share a phrase that has helped us a lot, we started saying, "Go empty out!" It makes more sense, and solved that "I don't have to" phrase.
I would talk to his teacher. Get her on your side. Most likely, it has to do with preschool stress, so having her be understanding, may help her watch out. Show more patience towards him. All the things a teacher should be doing, but could use a reminder.
And then in about two weeks, if it's still happening, I would start at the beginning. Pretend like he has never been potty trained. And I would work on helping him get through the night. Just have him sleep without pull-ups and be prepared for a couple of busy nights with a lot of cloth changing. When he wets himself in the night, walk him straight to the bathroom and say, "empty out" (even though he probably has nothing left, its the habit you want to establish). You could even do the, "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Blastoff!" And then clean the bed and put him back down. Off course, you probably have the better advice, so be sure to share what worked for your other ones!
Good luck! It is normal - but it is nice to have new ideas, too!
Thoughts...you know I do!
I feel like every child is so unique when it comes to potty training. And the fact that your little guy is in preschool tells me this - his world is changing and different. School at any age poses new situations and frustrations. There can be a new situation everyday, and he could be taking in more than you could ever imagine. And to be number three of four means that he has a lot going on at home. Any given day there are so many people, and infinite number of situations and he is probably really sensitive (a tangent - I just love third children, they are so wonderful and good, they are my favorites).
I feel like the first thing you can do is spend extra time with him. Not talking about potty training or accidents. Just something personal - coloring, playing basketball, cooking. Invite him (literally, you could make an invitation) or just ask him to do something with you. Just you two. And while you are coloring, make sure you tell him how wonderful he is. Really build his confidence. Help him remember how important he is.
The secret weapon - DADS. I would have his dad do the same thing. Spending extra time for at least two weeks will really help how he feels about himself. The most balanced child in the world can loose confidence when they are nervous about something (and he probably doesn't even know he is - he could never verbalize it). But, really have his dad make time for him alone, just while things are rough.
And then, when an accident does happen, treat it as if though you were cleaning up after dinner - totally routine. Don't give it extra attention - don't talk to him about it.
And then, have him go a lot. Do all of the preventative things you can. I know that this conversation happens a lot: "Go potty..." in response, "But I don't have to go..." But, I can share a phrase that has helped us a lot, we started saying, "Go empty out!" It makes more sense, and solved that "I don't have to" phrase.
I would talk to his teacher. Get her on your side. Most likely, it has to do with preschool stress, so having her be understanding, may help her watch out. Show more patience towards him. All the things a teacher should be doing, but could use a reminder.
And then in about two weeks, if it's still happening, I would start at the beginning. Pretend like he has never been potty trained. And I would work on helping him get through the night. Just have him sleep without pull-ups and be prepared for a couple of busy nights with a lot of cloth changing. When he wets himself in the night, walk him straight to the bathroom and say, "empty out" (even though he probably has nothing left, its the habit you want to establish). You could even do the, "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Blastoff!" And then clean the bed and put him back down. Off course, you probably have the better advice, so be sure to share what worked for your other ones!
Good luck! It is normal - but it is nice to have new ideas, too!
1.09.2008
Colic
Colic - what do you do for it? My son and daughter-in-law are exhausted.
I am so sorry for that little sweet baby.
I wouldn't wish colic on any baby or any parents - it is so miserable and never-ending (trust me - I was there). I feel like it is more about managing the situation than ever solving it...
Parents first on this one. I feel like the hardest part with colic is that there is no solving it. So, the most important thing is to learn to take breaks - without doubt - it is a MUST. Buy a lovely lullaby cd - wrap your baby snug - and then leave the room. At another time in the day put your baby in a swing and go to another room and listen to your music. Shower with the door shut so you can't hear the crying. Take several 15 minute breaks throughout the day. Because your baby will be just fine - but you may not be. So, just schedule the breaks as part of the day. The breaks will help you love and give even more. So, its ok!
Babies next. There are ideas that everyone should try - try one or two a day. But don't rush it, there is a good chance nothing will make a difference, but it will ease your mind to know you tried everything:
1. Baby Massage - rub their tummies clockwise
2. LOUD music and the dark
3. A car ride, Sitting on the dryer, anything with a hum and a vibration
4. Swings
5. Tummy Pressure
6. Long Walks
7. Warm baths
I swear it worked. Now most people say that you can't medicate it, but my Doctor (Zimmerman - highly tauted in Manhattan by the plaques on his wall, etc.) prescribed Hyoscyamine (levsine™, or gastrosed™) pronounced hycosamine. It was a gift. It was only used once a day (at night when it always seems the worst). And it was a gift and eased his little stomach - we didn't experience any side effects. I would talk to your doctor about it - and seriously think about trying it once or twice. You would have to go in requesting it, but relief is such a gift for baby and parents!
I wish I would have known. My baby was colicky - but it got worse at feeding times. He would eat really quickly. And I didn't learn until waaay to late that he was lactose intolerant. Lactose Intolerant!! It seems like every other baby these days has food allergies, so it might not hurt to try a soy milk bottle for a 48 period and see how it goes. I really wish I would have known, I feel like it was probably my answer - but at the time I just felt like breast milk was the best gift I could give my crying little baby. I wish someone would have suggested this, so I'll pass it along.
Anyhow, here is a more complete website:
Colic Website
Good Luck! Let us know if anything helps!
Painting: "Mother and Child" by Thomas Sully
1.08.2008
Independent 3 Year Old
I have a 3+ year old boy. He has always been very independent...wanting to do everything by "myself!". On the contrary, there are also multiple times a day when he wants ME (and noone else-not even Daddy) to do the most simple task for him. For example, he may drop a toy in the tub and then say, "mommy pick it up!" when it is right in front of him. Or he won't finish eating his food until I spoon feed him, which he can clearly do himself other times. One time, he threw a ball in the neighbor's yard and the neighbor brought it back to him but he wouldn't accept it unless I went back and got it for him where it landed. I most often refuse and stay strong until he'll give in and do it, which usually turns into a big battle, but then there are times in public or in a hurry where I just do it for him to avoid conflict. I feel like he is trying to control me. How would you recommend I handle these situations and do you think there is a reason for his doing this?
Reason 1: Well, if you have given in, then it almost becomes a game. A child's thought could be something like - she did it once, so if I ask long enough she'll do it again.
Reason 2: And the other big one - attention. Sometimes, even if they really have all the attention in the world, they aren't sure - especially around other people (which is what it sounds like is happening).
Solution 1: I feel like it is a phase that will pass - so its more about enduring or getting through it. So, I would just totally give in - end the game. Everytime. Just do it. But, you don't want to feel like your three year old has the one up. So, what if you tried to get the last word (so that you feel like you are teaching him something). In other words, switch tactics.
So, when he asks you to do something respond like this, "When you ask me so kindly it makes me really happy to help you." And if its asked in more of a whine, then I would repeat his sentence exactly with a kind tone and add a please. Usually a child will repeat. If he doesn't. Still, say somthing like, "I really love the word please." And then help him.
Solution 2: I would seriously feed him everytime he asks for about 5 days. And then, once you have switched tactics, start trying to work on it from a different angle. So, with the food, when he is eating by himself be sure to say something like, "Wow, are you a four year old? You are sure using your fork like a big four year old. You must be four." Or something that resembles genuine praise. Then, when he asks to be fed - make sure it isn't any fun. Just do it really absent mindedly - in fact, get on the phone or something. The message being, you will get more attention from me for your good behavior.
Reason 1: Well, if you have given in, then it almost becomes a game. A child's thought could be something like - she did it once, so if I ask long enough she'll do it again.
Reason 2: And the other big one - attention. Sometimes, even if they really have all the attention in the world, they aren't sure - especially around other people (which is what it sounds like is happening).
Solution 1: I feel like it is a phase that will pass - so its more about enduring or getting through it. So, I would just totally give in - end the game. Everytime. Just do it. But, you don't want to feel like your three year old has the one up. So, what if you tried to get the last word (so that you feel like you are teaching him something). In other words, switch tactics.
So, when he asks you to do something respond like this, "When you ask me so kindly it makes me really happy to help you." And if its asked in more of a whine, then I would repeat his sentence exactly with a kind tone and add a please. Usually a child will repeat. If he doesn't. Still, say somthing like, "I really love the word please." And then help him.
Solution 2: I would seriously feed him everytime he asks for about 5 days. And then, once you have switched tactics, start trying to work on it from a different angle. So, with the food, when he is eating by himself be sure to say something like, "Wow, are you a four year old? You are sure using your fork like a big four year old. You must be four." Or something that resembles genuine praise. Then, when he asks to be fed - make sure it isn't any fun. Just do it really absent mindedly - in fact, get on the phone or something. The message being, you will get more attention from me for your good behavior.
1.04.2008
To Say or Not to Say
I feel like word choice for talking to your little ones is one of the most important things...and most influential things we do every day.
But, instead of telling them what NOT to do, I like to tell them what TO do. Its hard at first; I say a lot of things like: don't kick your brother, don't dump your water on the floor, don't do every other crazy thing you do...but its so much better to say things like: do use your legs to run around with your brother, do drink your water its a better choice, and do the crazy things that I can live with...
Just a thought.
But, instead of telling them what NOT to do, I like to tell them what TO do. Its hard at first; I say a lot of things like: don't kick your brother, don't dump your water on the floor, don't do every other crazy thing you do...but its so much better to say things like: do use your legs to run around with your brother, do drink your water its a better choice, and do the crazy things that I can live with...
Just a thought.
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